Here are the top 101 Funny Facebook status updates for you to make your friends a bit happy. I hope you will get many likes and some rocking comments below these funny updates. I also tried to make sure that these all updates are freshest and funniest all around yet. And sorry if I have missed any important one, please just help me and put that below in comments.. Have some Fun on your walls... :)Facebook Funny Status Updates. Want to share all of these? Simply like this page. Let me know in comments below which is most funny for you
- feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes.
- used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything.
- is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube... This could take a while...
- dreams of a better world...where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned :0)
- It's not racist if you offend every race equally.
- FACEBOOK is the second most popular word that starts with "F" and ends with "K"
- F**king police. The woman over the road stands in her window watching me having a w**k and I'm the p*rv*rt?
- If you haven't had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for forty-five minutes straight, you ain't been in love.
- Whenever my sister accidentally walks in on me playing with myself, I like to play it cool by saying, "Hey, I was just thinking about you."
- "The best thing about facebook is that you can type any s**t and quote any guy for it."- Mahatma Gandhi
- Say this fast- { I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6} *Like* if you get it funny status
- I have life outside the facebook, but i just don't remember the password for them.
- My girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, I swear you can smell the ocean
- a guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local primary school’s pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water….. Is that wrong?
- married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
- Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with “according to the prophecy”
- If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.
- says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- is cle'a]ni.ng he'r ke]yb29oa;rd . Funny status
- is wondering why his daughter's diaper holds no where near the 22-37 pounds it promises.
- is proud of herself. She finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
- doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.
- ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║ *ZAP* *BEEP* Price: $7.95
- is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
- thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"
- before you use the bathroom in someones house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!
- Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
- "Good morning...I see the assassins have failed." Funny Status
- is cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
- Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them. Funny status
- is normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
- is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf's a minute
- just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
- would rather check her facebook than face her checkbook.
- believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
- ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
- Got out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to the prophecy"
- is Loading ████████████ 99%
- if only life came with a ◄◄ REW ► PLAY ▌▌PAUSE █▌STOP ►► FF
- funny funny funny funny funny
- Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn't surprising really, since it isn't my birthday.
- ”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” – George Washington
- is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself..
- ♬ ♫ ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ ♫ ♬
- is going to jail, directly to jail. She is not passing go. She is not collecting $200.
- Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!
- Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!
- Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one? Funny
- I just read last year 4,153,237 ppl got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
- Don't you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn't want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
- 43% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Hell, 72% of people know that!
- Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
- status under construction ██████████████] 99%
- Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
- Dear Pringles, Now that I am no longer a child, I can no longer fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness. Work on that.
- believes that the problem with being punctual is that there is rarely anyone there to appreciate it.
- I will find out why the correspondence course on “Mail Fraud” that I purchased never showed up.
- You know your job is shit when the parking meter outside where you work makes more per hour than you do.
- ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶
- Cut here —————–✄———————-
- I hated it when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said "you are next". They stopped that when I did began to do the same to them after funerals.
- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness
- Invented Al Gore Funny
- ¿ǝʍ ǝɹɐ pǝƃuǝןןɐɥɔ-ǝןƃooƃ ˙˙˙ʇxǝʇ uʍop ǝpısdn ʎq ǝɹɐ ǝןdoǝd pǝssǝɹdɯı ʍoɥ ʎuunɟ s,ʇı sʞuıɥʇ
- Just bought a new warddrobe from focus, looked at the box and was surprised to find it said " Self Assembly "..... I've been sat here now for three fu*k*ng hours and yet it still hasnt put itself together
- Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
- I have a friend whose status says 'suicidal standing on edge of cliff'. I poked him.
- Is proud of himself, he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
- ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
- Does performing oral sex on women provide a good source of Omega3?
- ̿̿̿ ̿' ̿'̵͇̿̿з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ this is a stick-up... give me ALL yo [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅1̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]!
- Isn't going to take life seriously... Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- a clean house is the sign of a broken computer. Funny
- Bought a new stick of deodorant today. Instructions said: "Remove cap and push up bottom" ... I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely
- ⒽⒶⓅⓅⓨ ⓃⒺⓌ ⓎⒺⒶⓇ
- If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?
- Is beating her current record for number of consecutive days alive.
- Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems. Funny
- ► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.
- Just changed the name of my iPod to "the titanic" so whenever i plug it in to my computer it says "the titanic is syncing"
- Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
- "Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide."
- I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I'm hating me for Liking your status!
- Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
- is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
- Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day. Set him on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
- --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death.
- I remember that one time, before Facebook, when I went outside and did stuff
- Say no to drugs. Although if you’re talking to drugs you may already be on drugs.
- Today. I. Realized. That. Typing. Like. This. Does. Not. Make. Your. Point. Stronger. It. Makes. You. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has.Asthma,
- Of course, Lil’ Wayne isn’t his real name. It’s Lillian Waynard.
- This status has been downloaded to your system and is now scanning your hard drive for copyrighted material. Stand by. SCANNING – ███░ 23%
- Unlike the British or Australian spelling for colour/favour/neighbour, the Americans don’t include u because it’s all about them.
- When someone gets playfully thrown into a swimming pool on TV, all I can do is worry if they have their cell phone in their pocket.
- Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
- World Population Rank: 1.China 2.India 3.Facebook 4.USA 5.MySpace 6.Indonesia 7.Brazil 8.Twitter
- Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
- being a man i am fluent in two languages: English, and Bulls**t apparently
- Justin Bieber - "I was bullied" Well, that's my faith in humanity restored.
- I know the world isn’t going 2 end in 2012 cuz my yogurt expires in 2013!
- I like to name my ipod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
- Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.
- Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like
- Is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
- I love it when my computer says ” are you sure you want to continue unprotected ”
- Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, if it weren’t for Christmas, we would all be Jewish!
Written by Anees
Hello World! I am founder of Learn Everyone and This is my bio. I will change it later :).
